Bits and pieces

What’s in me

Ever since school has ended, this thought have always seem to be stuck in my head. Everyday. What thought? The thought of failing in life. Disappointing parents hope. Not having to have a good future for myself. Keep on having these kind of hardships that will never end. People might say why are you putting burden on yourself? Well, i dont even know. The feeling of being the last child, the last hope that your parents have on you to give them a better life. A more happy & fulfilling life. No, doesnt mean the last child is always the pampered one, the most doted by parents. To me it was never that way. I’ve realised that its the one to carry all the burden, all the hopes your parents and siblings have on you. They have never said anything about depending on me. No. But who else is going to give them hope that life will get better? Who else but me. Friends my age are all not thinking about how they are going to support their family, they are still depending on them also. Sometimes i feel i would still love that too. Not thinking about money and still can “enjoy”. Working for fun and dont even care about the money. Its hard to be happy when you are thinking about this all the time. See their faces each day. Smiles that behold sadness. Wishing that it would get better. I dont expect anyone to understand me. Never will. And this is only the matter of Dunya. The Akhirah… im not boasting or anything but im the only one in the family that prays and its not my parents that thought me how to. My parents are not getting any younger by the minute or by the second. What if they leave this world not repenting? What if they leave this world not having the last moment praying?